It all started with a bunny.
I started the 365 Day Blog Project last year on November 8th. As you can see…I didn’t manage to post every day. Sometimes I was tired, but most of the time if I didn’t post, I had a really good reason. A couple of weeks ago when I realized it was almost all over, I thought that I would end the project with a picture of me with the bunny I had sat with in my first 365 picture. I’d like to say it’s got some deeper symbolic meaning, but it doesn’t. I just thought it would be cute.
A year ago when I started this, I kind of did it thinking that I wouldn’t keep it up. It was November, a month that is generally fairly bad for me. I was a little upset over some things, I was lonely, and it was just…well, it was November.
As the days went on, I started to enjoy posting a photo every day. I started looking up photoshop tutorials, asking questions, etc, in order to make my photos look better. Looking over the past year of photos, I can see a marked improvement and I like that. I also see a change in my avatar – going from a more “model” shape with an older skin [because I was doing more modeling at that time] to my current petite, but curvy, younger looking avatar. And I love her. I love my avatar. I feel pride for her every time I look at her because I feel like she is who I am inside, more now than ever before. She reflects the softness and grace that I have found within myself again.
The year was not without flaws. I missed days of posting while my mom was in the hospital. I lost touch with some friends. I left the modeling agency that gave me my start on the runway. [Okay, I don’t regret that one.] I built up a huge wall around me after someone broke my heart. I took one brick down to let someone in and then had to double cement it later. I grew tired of posting. I didn’t want to finish.
But the year was also very very good. I’m very happy right now. The wall I had built up was knocked down by a guy that had always been there when I needed him, even if I didn’t know it. Someone that I didn’t even think liked me all that much became my partner and I know she’ll be one of my forever friends. I have been allowed to share in the lives of so many people and every day I wake up knowing that I am not alone, in any world.
Finishing this project means a lot to me. I have not really finished any big goals in … years. I have left so much unfinished in my life. From redecorating to cleaning to writing to just doing any goal I have set for myself, I have found it hard to finish. I wish I could say why but I don’t really have a good idea. Sometimes I think in a way, I have been scared of success. Because once you win? It’s hard to lose. I used to understand it better as a teen when I was competing more, but somehow in my adulthood, I lost the knowledge. That’s the nice thing about life, though. It’s not always impossible to remember what you used to know. It’s not always impossible to change, become better, happier, more joyful within yourself so that you can pass that on to others.
I’m happy to have finished this. To know that tomorrow, I don’t have to do anything…it’s nice. Maybe I can go back to writing posts like I used to. I can share photos without having to share photos. It’s a good feeling.
This doesn’t end my blog, of course. This ending is simply a new beginning. And maybe that’s what I really needed to learn.
Thanks for sharing the year with me. 🙂
I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.