So it was one of those days where I couldn’t STOP being a nervous wreck. See, my dad hasn’t been doing so great the past month or so. He’s been moody, anxious, doesn’t want to eat [well, according to my mom. He always eats if I’m around.], and has been not wanting to move much because he says his knee hurts. He DOES have very bad arthritis in his knee but I guess he’s been in a lot of pain lately. He’s not the kind of man who cries and runs to the doctor every time he has a headache, so when my mom asked if she could take him to the doctor to have his leg looked at, and he agreed, we knew things had finally become too much for him to handle.
I’m extremely close with my parents. If they’re unhappy, I feel it. It gives me a lot of anxiety. But neither one of them thought I needed to come to his doctor’s appointment today, so I stayed home in this constant state of anxious prayer. I prayed that the doctor was good to him, that my dad wouldn’t be scared, that there was something that could be done for the pain. I prayed and I waited for the phone to ring. I didn’t even eat and barely drank water. I just waited. I’m normally the caregiver, the one who drives them to every appointment, the one who fills out all the paperwork, the one who listens to the doctors just so there’s an extra set of ears in the room. But this time they didn’t need me, and so I stayed home, prayed, and waited.
Finally I couldn’t stand it any longer and called my mom. Everything went fine. The doctor was good to my dad. Gave him options. They decided on a steroid shot to the knee and some medication that didn’t have many side effects. My dad took the shot like a champ and I guess the relief was pretty instant because he was hungry afterwards and was even laughing with my mom, something he hasn’t done in forever. Pain makes you a different person.
But so does anxiety. I don’t know what it’s like to not be anxious 98% of the time. It’s just this constant thing in my life, my “normal.” Luckily for me, I have SL to escape into sometimes. And I have someone there to kiss away the pain.