Uninspired

So this is going to be a rather whiny blog post. Probably, anyway. I really am not sure how exactly it’s going to go at this moment, to be perfectly honest. So here’s a picture of me holding a cup of noodles.

Uninspired

Okay.

So what had happened was… I got sick.

In January, I became pretty addicted to the news. Do you guys remember after 9/11, there were people who literally couldn’t stop watching the news? Like to the point of being almost unable to function because they were so overwhelmed with everything? That was me in January. I wasn’t sleeping. What I was eating was junk because in my mind, I kept thinking “Who cares at this point? What does it matter?” And the news. I ate up every bit of news I could find. I tried to keep it to just a few news sources that I trust, but it was still a lot because everything just seemed bad. I was hurting and others were hurting. And as much as I HATE – HAAAAAATE – to call myself an “empath,” because to me that is something 17 year old overly sensitive girls who collect porcelain fairies call themselves, I have always been the type to take in other people’s’ pain. In my real world, there are so many people who love to be around me because they say that I calm them down. And I’m okay with that, except that calming them down means that I end up absorbing their negative energy.

LOL…and yes, I did just read that sentence back to myself and facepalm. Whatever. It is the truth.

So, all of this was happening. I could tell it was happening, I could feel myself getting overwhelmed and grossed out by people and I was trying really hard to push through it.

That’s when I got a flu shot.

Now here’s the thing. I get a flu shot every year. Usually I get it in September or October. My parents are elderly and my best friend’s child has a heart condition, and that means if any of them get sick, it can get really bad really quickly. So I get the flu shot to try to protect them. Plus, I don’t have the best lungs in the world, so it helps me, too. I have not gotten the flu once since getting the shot and I used to get it yearly. Every year for the past almost 10 years, I have gotten the shot. It never bothers me. I get a tiny fever that evening and by the next day I’m up and running again. But not this time! Ohhhhh no. This time I got sick. Down and dirty sick. The kind of sick I haven’t been in over 3 years. And all I can think is that my resistance was already super low because of the not sleeping and not really eating decently and being in a constant state of stress. I took to my bed with a fever, and I just slept and slept. The only food I could be bothered to eat was applesauce and popsicles and occasionally chicken soup.

For almost two weeks, this went on. I am moderately better now, although I still have a lingering cough, which is super annoying when I’m trying to talk. I get tired a little more quickly than I’d like when I’m up and doing things. But for the most part, I’m healing. And, you know, trying to not gorge myself on the news. *laughs*

But now I have another problem. I am COMPLETELY uninspired in Second Life. I mean, completely. I am so so behind on my blog posts. I am behind on recording. But I am not the “Just get dressed and take a picture” kind of blogger. Not for the past few years. I like to be inspired and creative and it is NOT happening right now. Most evenings, I don’t even want to log in. I just want to sit on the couch and watch tv and sleep. I am not even reading books right now, and that is really odd for me, too. When I do log in, I feel annoyed more than joyful, and I hate that.

I’m not really sure what to do. I don’t want to give up blogging or doing videos or Second Life in general. There is a huge part of me that misses it all. But how do you really get back to it when all you want to do is zone out and sleep?

I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.

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4 thoughts on “Uninspired

  1. Hang in there (is it too ironic and annoying to say that) ๐Ÿ˜› but truly. From one fellow “the “e” word” to another, don’t feel guilty cutting yourself off and taking time for you. Netflix/Amazon, meditating, reading (if you get interested again), singing, looking at cute puppy pics… Anything but the news. I’ve been sick on and off since October and got addicted to the news (as you know not good for someone who absorbs energy). That last sentence sounded really hippie tree hugger didn’t it? Ah well. ๐Ÿ˜› But seriously. With more than half of the population angry/upset/confused right now, you’ve gotten a front row seat to absorbing that. Fun right? Surround yourself with whatever you can find to bring you joy. Create some distance (as much as you can) from negative, sad or people in pain. And yes, that’s near impossible because as you said, they do make a beeline for us and we do love to help them. The extra sleep your body is craving may be what it needs, and like you said “you don’t want to give up stuff” so keep commitments, but widdle down the list a bit… And say “yes” less. I know that is very hard because you genuinely do want to help others. Stay connected to the one or two who truly love you and know you during all this. And … And you know this already… Step away from the junk food. That’s like pouring water on a grease fire. Give your body what it needs to cope with the additional stress right now. Even if that means drinking Boost or Ensure. Vitamins! One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Get more hugs if you have access to them (oxytocin!). I’m sounding too much like a mom so I’m gonna wrap this up. Hugs, good thoughts and positive energy coming at you. Om.

  2. I agree with Ariawynn said. I could not have said it better or mor eloquently. You are having classic signs of burn out, so don’t ignore that. Just…slow down for a bit….but can I add a small piece of advice that gets me through when I am so low I am not sure which way is up or how to get there? (You know I am gonna anyway so brace yourself)
    There is NOTHING wrong with a pity party. Talk to people about how you are feeling, gather your friends and tell each one of them, until you are just OVER talking about it…then get up. My best friend usd to say to me, “Don’t let the pity party turn into a pity festival.” Get up and do one thing for yourself and one thing for someone else. Take a breath and find someone who makes you see the joy and say hello and let them share joy with you. People genuinely like to give and to make other people feel good, so let them do that for you for just a little bit.
    The news the world over is hard to watch. It is dispiriting and depressing. I was (and still am) an environmental activist for many years and it was VERY common for people with causes to burn out and get so depressed and overwhelmed by it all that they would just break down completely. I don’t want to clutter up your page with all the things we used to do to prevent that and counsel people through it, but I am happy to sit and chat with you any time you like. Mangrovejane (Groves) in world or feel free to message me through any of the usual social media avenues or email. I am more than happy to harass YOU about it whenever I see you, but I don’t want to put you off SL even more ๐Ÿ˜‰
    And just one last thing….writing the blog post about it…that was a really good thing to do. You got it out of you and made it real. And it some ways, it helps to break through that creative block a little because you got it out there. Remember the conversation we had in SL when I asked you about your strategies for dealing with creative block? It shall pass, just be kind to you, ok?

  3. dear alicia,
    You and i are deffently in the same boat right now, your not alone in how you feel on sl. For me this feeling of being annoyed an uninspired has been going on for me for the last 2 years in sl. no matter how hard i try even when i log in to shop i still feel very Meh. I think for me the reason why is because in sl seems like everyone i come in contact with just wants to unload there drama on me an it really wears me out. I’ve been in sl since 09 and have taken breaks off an on over the years but this month its different. I dont know how really to describe it but its like since taking this break from SL its like this weight has been lifted off me. Right now ive just been doing alot of binge watching on netflix/ hulu and on the side playing the MMO of elder scrolls online. Maybe you should start a support group in sl and that way you can unload some of your stuff onto your fellow followers from your blog. LOL Sorta kidding i know writing about it on your blog might have helped a little but us bloggers have to stick together right? I’m sure you’ll get your groove back i mean after all you have an sl family who im sure adores you. For me i think the universe is saying its time for me to let go of sl an move on into the real world………but then again who knows, Just know your not alone. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • oh i forgot to add another thing im doing in the real world is getting into crafting. try looking at pintrest for some fun RL food recipes, or a DIY on remodeling something small in your house. or even look at there really cool tutorials on how to make cards. I know for me this has inspired me just a bit and im even gonna learn how to make my own homemade natural soap!

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