And When We’re Apart, I Know How Much You Miss Me

Weekends are usually pretty busy for the both of us. I’ve probably mentioned it before, but one of Aldwyn’s jobs is that he’s a DJ. [RL, not SL.] So his weekends are often taken up with various events that he DJs. And often, my weekend days are taken up with visiting with my parents or doing other RL stuff. But nights…it sucks sometimes when he’s not able to be around on the weekends. I actually didn’t expect him to be around tonight [neither did he], but he managed to make it in. Too late to see the girls, because they needed to sleep, but at least I got to be with him.

So, can I confess something? Sometimes I have teeny tiny tantrums internally when he tells me he won’t be around. I know, it’s awful! Don’t get me wrong, I adore that our girls are normally around to be with me, and if I were ever really lonely, I have the rest of our family to lean on. But it’s not the same as having my partner around when I want to do things. Not that we ever really go out any more…but you get my point! :-p But, RL comes first, for the both of us, and we know that.

The one saving grace is that I know he misses me when he can’t be around.

If I didn’t feel that, I totally would have jumped on that newbie that blazed through our house earlier tonight when the girls and I were in the living room. *laughs* Hey, Birdy liked his accent. It could have worked!

Well, it’s kinda never ending?

Good grief, almost 2 weeks away? What’s wrong with me?? LOL! Just blame it on The Arcade and being pretty lazy, I guess. It’s not that I haven’t had things to say, but … well, things happen. 🙂 Have you completed your Arcade shopping lists yet? Aldwyn helped me out and we finished up my list on Saturday. Awesome, right?? If you are still looking for stuff, check out our yard sale!! We have commons at pull price and rares that are marked up a bit, but still not that bad.

So last night, we went to this place called Escapades and it was supposed to be a game where we killed aliens and did stuff. It was kind of fun, although we didn’t quite understand what we were doing! We ran all over and hit random things that came out at us, but mostly it was just fun to explore with the family. Oh, and we got prizes here and there. Like… FALCOR!!

That’s not the best picture in the world, but it’s not easy to ride Falcor and take pics at the same time, you know.

Bedtime for me! Sorry I’ve been so boring in here lately. I need to get back in the habit of blogging my thoughts and stuff!

Day 343 – Berry’s Dirty Meme

So Miss Berry wants us to get dirty, and I love answering questions. But see…I don’t consider myself a SEXY person. I’m cute. I’m funny. But sexy? Noooo. Which, if you’ve chatted with me about my past, and if you know that technically, I’m still a SLuicide Girl, you’d find it hard to believe. But it’s true. I’ve played at being sexy, but in both lives, I’m reeeeally not. In fact, the older I get, the more I think that I’d rather everyone kept their nakedness in the house. *snickers*

Okay, on to the questions!!

What is your sexual orientation or do you not like to label yourself?

I’d consider myself fairly straight because I love men and have only ever wanted to be in a relationship with a man. But I have played around with women before. I was pretty experimental in my 20s. Well…and drunk.

Name a physical attribute that you find attractive or sexy.

I am a sucker for a good pair of hands. Big, well shaped, well groomed, strong hands on a man are sooo attractive! I also like chest hair because I like a man to be a MAN, not some little boy. I’ve also always been attracted to tall, big men, although my RL BF of 13+ years was shorter [although taller than me] and slimmer when we met. He’s still taller than me. *laughs*

Are you promiscuous, a prude or in between?

I would definitely say I’m not promiscuous. Most people in SL would consider me a prude these days because I’m not flashing my gigantic prim boobs and my huge mesh butt all over the place, but I wouldn’t consider myself one. I’m somewhere in the middle. I, again, just prefer that people keep their naked in the house. Although I don’t mind talking about sex and stuff, I don’t really enjoy seeing the porn parade that goes on. But, you know, that’s other peoples’ business and luckily it’s fairly easy to mute if I don’t feel like seeing it. 🙂 And I hang out with people who generally feel the same way, so it’s all good.

What turns you on?

That’s a hard question for me these days because I have some issues that make my sex drive low. But, in general, if you can make me laugh, you’ve got me. I also like when a guy I’m with plays with my hair, like just brushes it off my face or tucks it behind my ear. [If my hair is loose. If it’s braided or I have it up, please stay away from it.] I like being kissed on the inside of my wrist, too. Also, and this will sound superficial, but a cute little gift can sometimes get me going. Not diamonds or anything that will make me feel like I owe him. Just something cute that he saw that he thought I’d like.

Are you dominant or submissive?

Submissive up to a point. I like for him to take control, but I’m actually quite bossy most of the time. *laughs*

Are you into sexual roleplay?

I used to be. I guess I could still be, but it doesn’t really come up.

Which sexual position is your favorite?

Berryyyyy!!! LOL! I like being on my back. Which sounds lazy, but there’s a lot you can do like that!

Do you have any fetishes?

I loveeeee men in suits. Or dress uniforms. But mostly suits. Is that a fetish?

Have you or would you do porn, amateur or professional?

LOL!! Like…porn videos?? LOLOLOLOLOL! Actually, a longggggg time ago, my RL BF and I filmed ourselves while on vacation. Luckily we used a camera that had a mini tape, not digital, so I crushed and destroyed the tape when we got home.

Do you consider yourself sexy?

I already said no! And truthfully, I am quite okay with that. Not everyone has to be sexy, not everyone has to constantly make sexual references or prove their sexuality to others. Once in a while, I do wish I could be more sexy, but it’s really not who I am inside, and that’s okay. There’s room for everyone in our great big world, even people who choose to keep their clothes on most of the time. 🙂

Day 219 – Sometimes We Must Let It Be

I spend a lot of time in SL alone. Sometimes I don’t mind. If I need to do blog pics or put outfits together or dash out to a store to grab one thing, having people with me would be kind of useless. But other times…

I’ll admit that I’m having a down day. Something happened last night that caused me unnecessary [and unexpected] anxiety and since then I’ve been down. I know it’s not forever, but it’s one of those times where I pray that the part of my mind that easily forgets people out would just kick in. Part of me thinks, “Well, it’s karma from what you did over 5 years ago.” But good grief, have I not repaid that already?? Go visit someone else, karma!

So I’m not really great at making friends in SL these days. When someone appears to be getting closer, I shy away. I run through things in my head. “What do they actually want? Are they just here to get information? Do they want something from me? Will they leave once they get it? If they ARE just being nice, will they leave as soon as they realize that I’m bad at conversation? And what if I do attempt to be chatty with them? Am I going to annoy them? If I annoy them, they’ll leave.” And on and on and on.

I’m not sure I really know how to just hang out in SL at this point. I don’t really like clubs. I’m not into the whole “Omg, let’s be sexxyyyyyy…but you know, totally intellectual about it” thing. I just kinda want to hang out at my house, or someone’s house, and chat and have fun there. But then it goes back to the whole “They’re gonna think I’m not entertaining enough!” Or even worse, “But what if [insert random person here] shows up and I don’t like them/they don’t like me!” So… yeah.

Ugh. I don’t know. lol It’s a down day. I’ll get over it. I’m just in one of those “I want to wipe my friends list clean and start over” moods. I’ll be better tomorrow.

Day 200 – Lady In The Streets, Freak In The…Well, You Know.

So last week sometime, I saw a pic in my Flickr contacts with a girl on a really awesome looking bed. Naturally I ran to Plurk asking where the pretty bed was from and one of my buddies pointed me over to LAQ Decor. I hadn’t been over there since their houses were first released, so I wasn’t aware that they were making furniture. I have to admit, I wasn’t exactly into the houses back then, so I kind of just wrote off the store. But man, the furniture?? AMAZING. Seriously seriously pretty stuff.

I didn’t buy the bed after seeing it on marketplace because another bed landed in my lap and, quite frankly, I have a LOT of beds already. I’m a sucker for furniture, what can I say?

Earlier today I was browsing marketplace and came across a toilet from LAQ Decor. Well, I may have a lot of beds, but I don’t have a lot of bathroom stuff. I’m not really happy unless I can see home stuff in front of me, so when Aldwyn got online tonight, we went off to check the store out.

While we were there, I fell in love with a coffee table that was part of a sofa set. It was just so cute and JUST what I wanted AND it was only 2 land impact!! The problem was that they didn’t sell the coffee table by itself! Now I understand that the big money is in people buying the whole set of stuff, but I just really really wanted the one piece.

Aldwyn is pretty used to my indecisiveness [and my spontaneous decorating] so he sat around with me while I played with the poses on the floor model of the sofa, and played with the colors on the bed. But then I guess he was tired of sitting because he bought me both the sofa set and the bed [which also came with nightstands & lamps!] to 1, make me happy, and 2, get me out of the store. Of course, we WERE having a good laugh over a guy that was there who claimed to be an “advanced builder” and also a collector of fine furniture [gonna guess he also has many leather-bound books, and his apartment smells of rich mahogany] who was walking around with a flexi ponytail and guns strapped to his thighs, so maybe he just wanted to make me happy. And happy I was as we came back home so I could put out my new pretties.

The coffee table is actually just a smidge smaller in our living room than I thought it would be. I’m a terrible judge of size and think most things are bigger than they actually are. [*snickers* Shut up.] But, it’s mod so I was able to make it bigger. Then, even though I was just working on the bedroom the other day, I picked up our bed and nightstands and put out the new ones. The bedroom is definitely not finished yet, but I really like how it’s coming along so far.

The house is definitely coming together, slowly but surely. Eventually I’ve got to get back outside and work on the landscaping, but one thing at a time. For now, it’s time to get into our gorgeous new bed and go to sleep!

Day 169 – Confession

So I have a confession to make.

I really have no Christmas spirit this year.

I know, I know. People are all “Oh my god, you should be happy! You should be excited! You should be full of fun and joy!”

Aw, suck it. :-p

I just don’t feel like doing anything for Christmas. Buying gifts isn’t fun because everyone in my life buys what they want when they want it, and the things they don’t buy would be too expensive for me to buy for them. My parents don’t really care about Christmas or making a big deal about it, although I did get them both a little something anyway. I don’t have children to decorate or bake for. So… yeah.

But, I do feel bad about feeling the way I do. I get cards and feel guilty that I haven’t gotten any to send out. People ask me what I want for Christmas, and all I want to say is, “I want it to be over!”

Maybe next year the Christmas spirit will hit me full force. But as for this year… skipped.

Sorry for a bummer of a post. Maybe I’ll do better next time.

Day 35 – Tearing Down

I was really sad to hear about Whitney Houston dying. When she made it onto MTV in 1986-87, I was just at that age when I could totally start getting into music. I loved her. Her style, her dancing, her voice. I was a chubby little girl, she was someone I wanted to be. Some people have been really tacky and showing how low class they are by making jokes and pointing fingers, but to me she’ll always be that pretty girl with the pretty hair and the voice that made you look and take notice. It’s just sad to me.

Since I was pretty bummed out tonight, I thought I’d start tearing things down in the winter park because spring is coming this week.

The PLAN is to put up a nice garden. Kind of like a little farm, but not crazy or anything. Of course, you google “Pretty Farms” and all you get are Farmville pics. I DON’T WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE FARMVILLE!!!! I want it pretty, with grass and trees and stuff surrounding and places to sit and a pond and all that good stuff. I need to work it all out in my head. If I could draw, that would probably be better if I could sketch it out, but my skills are definitely NOT in art and it would end up looking like I sketched it with my feet and nothing would come out right.

I’m really tired, I think it’s bedtime.

Day 33 – That’s why I don’t let you do things!

Sometimes I tell Aldwyn that he’s not doing things because I don’t let him do things, not because he’s not doing them because he didn’t want to.

Then he swings me around until I’m dizzy and I forget what I’m talking about.

It’s probably better that I forget what I’m talking about sometimes, because I tend to chatter on about absolutely nothing for ages.

I was going to actually go out today and take pictures to do a more interesting post, but I ran out of time. There’s always tomorrow!

Day 32 – Drop It Like It’s Hot

The title of today’s post doesn’t have much to do with anything, except I told Aldwyn earlier I was dropping it like it’s hot.

We have a little vacation spot away from Bluebonnet that we got after the wedding. It always appears to be raining, though.

But, it’s lucky that we have the spot because I have a scene to set up for a blog post I’ll be doing soon. It’s not for this blog, or the style blog. I’ll let you guys know what it is later, though, I promise! It’s nothing like I’ve done in SL before, which is pretty exciting for me, and kinda scary because I don’t want people to be like “Oh. Look at that bitch, eating crackers like she owns the place.”

Of course, some people are probably like that anyway, so whatever. But I don’t want to share my news yet! 🙂

Hmm…Al is demanding my attention at the moment, and we’ve had so little time together lately, I better go!

Day 28 – Blogger Blooper

Sometimes when I’m doing posts for the style blog, I use a combination of the Anypose HUD and the emoter in my Mystitool to get an expression on my face. The Anypose has the facial emotes too but I find that they “snap” back to normal a little faster than I’d like and I like it to go slower so I can catch my mouth in mid change. Sometimes it works well. Other times, I end up with a face like this.

Yeahhhh…that’s NOT going in the style blog.

This brings me to another topic. What is with all the homely ass avatars I see on Flickr lately? No, not the doofus girls with their skinny legs and hips so wide that they look like they’re riding an invisible horse and the squinty squinty eyes and the extra frowny mouths that look like they’re sliding off their chins…

Well, okay, I still wonder about those girls, too.

But I mean the just plain ugly ones. Now I know, before anyone starts lecturing me, that people get tired of the “beautiful” avatars of Second Life. People want flaws and stuff. Have you ever really seen your crotch in SL? Talk about flaws! But do flaws have to mean UGLY? You can have something a little off, but do you want to really look like you were slapped in the face, repeatedly, with the ugly stick? Maybe I’m totally off base here, but I honestly don’t see the appeal of being deliberately unattractive. Of course, the unattractive avatars I’ve met also have really bad attitudes, so maybe it’s one of those things where you have to have a good personality to make your ugly avatar work.

Now that I sound totally superficial, I’m going to bed.