Today is kind of a special day for me. Today I’ve been Alicia Chenaux for 10 years. It’s my rez day!
I don’t usually celebrate it. This avatar wasn’t supposed to exist. The night I made my avatar, I did it a bit out of desperation to just run. If you’ve been a long time reader of my blog, you know that I’ve talked a bit about the fact that I had an avatar for a year prior to this one. I also did a video on my YouTube channel talking about that first year. It’s an older video now, so you have to look for it.
I was really messed up back then. I have apologized for it all before. Some people accepted it, some didn’t. That’s life. Even Second Life. 🙂
But more than being my rez day, it’s actually a more special day to me. It’s the day that I decided I needed to stop drinking so much.
See, back then, I had a problem. Well, I had a lot of problems. But my go-to release was to just drink it all away. Just get smashed, it’ll all be fine! I don’t think a lot of people ever knew how much I drank. Or that I combined it with anti-anxiety meds. I think I was pretty good at hiding it. Other than the path of crazy I left behind me, I guess. *laughs*
The night of the 26th, a lot of things happened. A lot of things were said. I’m not going to say that I didn’t hurt people because I did. Even drinking as much as I was, I knew I had to take some of the blame. Other people did, too, but we won’t get into that. But that night was the worst of it. So I made Alicia.
And then I logged out.
I uninstalled Second Life.
I sat on the bathroom floor really wondering what my life was and who was I even?
If it sounds dramatic, remember that I was pretty drunk at the time. Most things were pretty dramatic back then. :-p
But it was that night while I was on the bathroom floor that I thought, “Girl, you have got to change this shit.”
I threw out the alcohol I had left in the house. I cut ties with people who caused me to drink. I did some therapy. I did not consider myself an alcoholic then, and I still don’t think I was, but I think I was most definitely headed down that path.
Then on New Year’s Eve 2007, I wanted a truly fresh start. I didn’t have a party to go to because any party that I would have gone to would have had a LOT of alcohol and I was only a month sober. Blogging, and starting my “$5L A Day” project was much easier. Or harder. I really don’t know.
In 10 years, a lot has changed. Yes, I still have anxiety. That is a life long thing. I can drink now without getting drunk, but I can’t drink without getting sick off of one drink, so…drinks don’t happen often. 🙂 But I’m so happy now. I feel like had I not restarted the way that I did… I don’t even know what would have happened. I just know that every day, I wake up and I’m happy to just be myself. I’m flawed, I’m introverted, I’m sometimes too loud. I can be unbelievably tacky at times. Sometimes I truly do talk too much. I love people to the tips of my toes. I also refuse to have too much negativity in my life if I can at all avoid it. None of that would have been possible without the last 10 years and the people who have been with me on this journey.
I don’t know if Second Life will still be a thing in 10 years. I don’t know if I’ll still be blogging virtual worlds or if I’ll move into a whole other thing. But what I do know is this. Your Second Life is what you make of it. If you’re not having a good time, change it. If you’re bored in it, you’re not looking around enough. If you’re truly unhappy with it – get out of it. You’re never stuck. You can always do something new. And who knows? One small change you make might change your entire world. ❤