Posted in Bluebonnet, RL stuff, Uncategorized, winter

Winter Love

Oh goodness, sorry for being the worst blogger ever over here! I’ve meant to a billion times, but you all know how it gets during the holidays. Always something to do. Then [if you don’t read my style blog or follow me on plurk], I had the worst tech week ever last week! Even now, I’m not 100% up and running correctly.  Let me put it this way.  If I want to turn on my computer, I have to find the button on some thing that’s hanging out of the side of my computer. Which is, btw, completely open on the side. It’s fancy like I don’t even know. *laughs*

My monitor also pooped out on me in all of the mess. I mean, to be quite honest, the fact that the thing worked at all was kind of amazing.  It’s on for hours daily and it lasted a good 7 years or so.  That’s really wonderful!  I’m very careful with my things, which is why when something breaks, it’s almost devastating to me. My headset finally broke earlier this year and it had lasted me over 10 years.

BUT the good thing in all this mess is that I am getting a new video card. That’s actually kind of what started this whole deal.  I got my early Christmas gift, a new video card.  But of course, it’s much bigger than my old card [going from a GTX 550 Ti to a GTX 970, for the curious. I dunno what the numbers really mean, I just know the new card is better. LOL!].  So because it’s bigger, and stronger, my power supply wasn’t enough and the dang thing didn’t fit in my case anyway. Luckily, I have my own personal geek squad, so a new power supply has been ordered, I have a new case, etc etc.  And I have a new monitor that is bigger and brighter than my old one. So once the new power supply comes in this week, I’ll totally be cookin’!

Oh, and top of everything else, I was stricken with the plague this past week. I don’t get sick often anymore, so this was unexpected and definitely unwanted. I’m healing up and all, but still. It sucked. 😦

But enough about that stuff. 🙂  In SL, it’s now winter on Bluebonnet!!  I’m loving it!

Winter Love

My sis has done all the winterizing this week. It’s so so so pretty! If you came by Bluebonnet in the fall, you should come back around now to see all the wintery things. It’s just lovely!

So on the adoption front… Well, our 2nd Heritage panel expired and I chose not to put up another one right now. I think it’s hard to go on trial with someone around the holiday season. One advantage with had with our girls is that we had plenty of time to form a bond with them when we met them. During the holidays, there will be so many times when we’re busy or distracted or just plain ol’ not here. And that would NOT be fair to a kid. Plus we have Abby’s 2nd adoptaversary coming up! I think I’d feel bad being all “We’re celebrating this kid, don’t you hope you make it this far for us to throw you a party?” *laughs* Maybe next month we will see about it again.

Mmm… I think that’s basically it for the moment. 🙂

Posted in opinions, RL stuff

Look For The Helpers

This is more of a RL post today because my mind is full. I’ll get back to the snark and SL antics soon. 🙂

Over the past few years, I’ve done posts here and there, either for Memorial Day or Veterans Day, thanking those who have served in the armed forces. Two of my high school classmates, Robert and Billy, died while in service. One in Iraq, one in Afghanistan. My nephew is currently in the army. Another young cousin is planning on enlisting in the air force after he graduates in 2017. With everything going on in the world, it’s hard to think of what their military careers will be like. But they know what they are signing up for. They are, or are going to be, soldiers.

But then I think about the people caught in the crossfire. What happened yesterday is a good example.

Look For The Helpers

However, it would be too easy to give into fear. I know we’re all scared. Anything could happen. I spent an hour on the phone with my mom earlier reassuring her that we’ll be safe. It’s a promise I can’t exactly keep, of course. We both know that. But it made us feel better. And as we are people of great faith, we prayed about it.

It would be too easy to look at the news and be scared and hide in the bed. So I’m doing as Mr. Rogers said his mom told him to do when things are scary.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'”

I’ve been looking for the helpers. And oh, are there helpers! So many people opened their doors last night to strangers in need. People reached out to help in any way that they were able. It was beautiful to see in the wake of so much tragedy.

For every bad deed that is done, there are many more people practicing love, charity, forgiveness, and hope. Look for the helpers. They’ll show you that we’re going to be okay in the end. ♥

Posted in family, RL stuff

Until Next Month

No matter how crazy my RL is, or what else I do in SL, this is one of the best parts of everything. ❤

Until Next Month

Also, I stole Birdy’s picture because she took a way better one than I did. *laughs* She’s getting really good at in world pics!!

The girls and I had about half an hour of a “naptime” together this evening before joining the family for one last rainforest game before my sis turned the keys over to the next vacationers. I think the 3 of us really needed the quiet time. Abby mentioned that she thought it was almost strange how relaxed she gets when we are together like that, but I understand it completely. I think that’s something that people outside of SL, or even some that are in it, just don’t get. I need to see my loved ones in world often. Sure, we have plurk and different ways of contacting each other throughout the day, but just the act of being together is what keeps our bond strong.

After a game of Pentadee [Yahtzee] with the family, we said goodnight to the kids and then Lolita, Takeo, and I went to hear a friend DJ at Club Zero. I am not super familiar with aggrotech music, but I liked the songs and of course anytime we’re together, it’s fun! I love watching people, too, so it was a good time all around.

Tomorrow is my last day to get all the cleaning and packing I need to do before we head out on Friday. I have to admit, I haven’t truly been the most excited for this trip so far. It’s extremely hard for me to be so far away from home at any given time because of just how my RL is. But I keep being told to go because I need this trip. I need to see other things and not worry so much all the time. So I’ll try to relax. It’s just a week, anyway. Everyone will be okay for a week.

But I won’t have SL access while I’m gone, and even if I did, I would not want to be that jerk logging into SL to look at Linden water [as pretty as it may be!] when I have the real ocean right outside my door! *laughs*

See you all when I get back!

Posted in rainforest, RL stuff

Rest & Relaxation

We have been having such a great time on our post-camp vacation! The family packed up and headed back to the rainforest a few days after we got home from camp. The rainforest is incredibly relaxing to me. It’s kind of like going home. The kids have their same beds. We have our same little bungalow. It’s nice to just be together in our little bubble. I have been loving just sitting outside and enjoying the rest.

Rest and Relaxation

This coming week is going to be exceptionally busy for me. I have a RL trip coming up and since I’ve really not gone on a big vacation in many many years, naturally I’m just this side of freaking out. *laughs* Plus my bestie will be at my house so I have to make sure it’s clean. I have a painting class on Tuesday and I see my parents on Wednesday, I need to find time to get a hair cut and color and I have to admit, I’m not exactly the most awesome at time management! I mean, I kind of only have myself to blame at this point. I’ve known about this trip since February. 😀

Tomorrow night, we have a family dance, and then begins my week of crazy! I’m definitely going to enjoy all the rest and relaxation I can at the rainforest until then!

Posted in blogging, omg so emo, RL stuff

Yeah, I’ll Send Up A Prayer

Goodness, what a past week I’ve had. People have always asked me why SL drama never seems to bother me and why I can just move away from people. My RL? Has nothing on SL drama. *laughs* Not always, but when it does…yikes. It was nice to have some time in SL tonight after the family went to bed to just be quiet for a bit.

Yeah, I'll Send Up A Prayer

Don’t get me wrong, my RL isn’t horrible on a normal basis. But when things are bad, I spend a great deal of time trying to “fix” everything. Be strong for everyone, calm everyone down. To me, it doesn’t matter how I feel inside. My feelings don’t matter in that moment because I need to make sure everyone else is okay. It doesn’t matter that I was only sleeping 2-3 broken hours a night or eating maybe once a day. It doesn’t matter. I try not to lean on anyone too much because 1, I don’t like to bother people, and 2, it’s simply not something I do. I probably should sometime. It almost seems too sweet to think about – being able to lay down my problems on someone and have them tell me that it’s going to be okay because they’ll help me take care of it. I guess that doesn’t happen very often as you get older. I felt a lot this past week like I was on an exercise bicycle. I was cycling and cycling and while I might be doing okay in one area, I wasn’t really getting very far at all. I know how emo that sounds. *laughs*

But I had such wonderful IMs and private plurks from some people. Mostly people who I really didn’t think read my plurks too often. It was nice, you know? To just know that they were thinking of me even if it was just in that moment that it took to write me. I am a full believer in the power of prayer, and I know that the prayers and the good thoughts helped.

Hopefully things will quiet down now. I miss being in SL and I don’t like that when I have been there this past week, I have been too frazzled to really enjoy it. I am behind in blogging and I’ve been wanting to do another video. I have actual YouTube subscribers now. How crazy is that? I don’t know what to do a tutorial about, though. I’ve been thinking maybe I’ll do just a “daily vlog” type video like some of my favorite vloggers do. I’m not sure I’d be that interesting though. Like, oh hi, please watch me put on an outfit and take a pic. Zzz. LOL! We’ll see, though. We’ll see how it all goes.

Posted in RL stuff, talking, thinking, vacation

The Place I Love

Ooh I’ve been a bad blogger in this blog this month. Sorry about that! I’ve actually started a ton of posts but by the time I get around to finishing them, I figure “Who cares about this?” Although why I care what other people think about this blog, I don’t know. It’s just where I write randomness. 🙂 But I’ll have more posts next month because the family is going on vacation again! Woo!

This past weekend was a super busy one for me. Actually, since Wednesday, I’ve been in SL maybe 3 hours altogether. I got SUPER sick Wednesday night while doing a photo. I have no idea what happened. I just suddenly had a fever and uncontrollable chills. I hate being sick, so of course I was a super grump for days even though really it was just that one night. Then Saturday I was out all day and I fully intended on logging into SL that evening, but MORE RL stuff came up and we spent the night cleaning because we were going to have people over yesterday. I figured that it would be over early enough that I could get back in world but it was not.

For most people, not logging in for a few days is probably not even a big deal at all. But SL is where I go to relax and it helps with my anxiety, so it was nice to wake up this morning and head in for a few minutes.

The Place I Love

My RL is not as chaotic as it used to be. I’m VERY blessed that it is not because I know it can change in an instant. Unfortunately, my brain doesn’t calm down in the calm times. I’m forever waiting for something bad to happen. I know that it’s not the right way to be, but well…tell that to my brain. *laughs* Being able to be in SL, even if I just have 5-10 minutes alone to look at the sim, it makes such a world of difference to me. It’s actually better than any medication I’ve been on, which is kinda cool.

Now that all the sickness and craziness of the past few days is over, I can go back to what is normal for me, and I like that quite a bit. I miss my SL family and I’m THRILLED that next Monday we’ll be heading for our vacation!

But it’s time for me to get up and go do some stuff. Groceries gotta be bought, clothes gotta be washed. 🙂 I feel better now that I’ve blogged, too. Writing in a blog is really the best kind of online therapy for me! I’ll try not to go so long in between posts again. ❤

Posted in family, family fun, RL stuff, vacation

Preparations

So the family is going to be going on vacation again! You might remember that we went to the Bahamas back in March and had an AMAZING time! It was our first big event as a family, since Abby had just been adopted 3 months before, and Payton and Riley had only been Oleanders for less than a month. It was a great bonding experience for us! Now we get to do it again, and we have more kids this time around!

We’ll be heading to a resort at the Grand Canyon soon! Originally, we were supposed to fly out on the 18th [I think], but a few nights ago, my sister said “We’re too excited! It could be ANY TIME, so be ready!”

Um. She’s seen how we pack, right?

But since I had some time this afternoon, I decided I should start packing us up so that in case Lolita yells “It’s time!” we’re totally ready for it.

Preparations

I did NOT, however, pack Aldwyn’s Bob Marley shorts.

This vacation couldn’t be coming at a better time for me. I’ve been feeling… well, not sad, but just kind of down. And not as connected as usual. I know it’s just this time of the year. It’s not unusual. But I don’t like it. I feel like I’m letting a lot of people down by not being as involved as I usually am. But it’s not just in SL that it’s happening. It’s RL, too. It sucks but it’s also not forever.

Our vacation will do me good, though. Get me back to being a better mom in SL and stuff. 🙂

But seriously, if the Bob Marley shorts come out, someone’s gonna be thrown into the canyon. I’m just sayin’.

Posted in love, RL stuff

Kiss Away The Pain

So it was one of those days where I couldn’t STOP being a nervous wreck. See, my dad hasn’t been doing so great the past month or so. He’s been moody, anxious, doesn’t want to eat [well, according to my mom. He always eats if I’m around.], and has been not wanting to move much because he says his knee hurts. He DOES have very bad arthritis in his knee but I guess he’s been in a lot of pain lately. He’s not the kind of man who cries and runs to the doctor every time he has a headache, so when my mom asked if she could take him to the doctor to have his leg looked at, and he agreed, we knew things had finally become too much for him to handle.

I’m extremely close with my parents. If they’re unhappy, I feel it. It gives me a lot of anxiety. But neither one of them thought I needed to come to his doctor’s appointment today, so I stayed home in this constant state of anxious prayer. I prayed that the doctor was good to him, that my dad wouldn’t be scared, that there was something that could be done for the pain. I prayed and I waited for the phone to ring. I didn’t even eat and barely drank water. I just waited. I’m normally the caregiver, the one who drives them to every appointment, the one who fills out all the paperwork, the one who listens to the doctors just so there’s an extra set of ears in the room. But this time they didn’t need me, and so I stayed home, prayed, and waited.

Finally I couldn’t stand it any longer and called my mom. Everything went fine. The doctor was good to my dad. Gave him options. They decided on a steroid shot to the knee and some medication that didn’t have many side effects. My dad took the shot like a champ and I guess the relief was pretty instant because he was hungry afterwards and was even laughing with my mom, something he hasn’t done in forever. Pain makes you a different person.

But so does anxiety. I don’t know what it’s like to not be anxious 98% of the time. It’s just this constant thing in my life, my “normal.” Luckily for me, I have SL to escape into sometimes. And I have someone there to kiss away the pain.

Kiss Away The Pain

Posted in just talking, RL stuff

Just As Good As Always

In my RL, long hot baths are not really possible. Even long hot showers aren’t great because my skin hates me and gets itchy, dry and gross. I don’t usually mind in the summer because it gets so hot here sometimes that even our cold water comes out lukewarm. But there are times I want to take a really long, super hot bath and I have to ask myself if I want to be itchy for days afterwards or nah. The answer is usually nah. *laughs*

But since my skin in SL is beautiful always, I got a chance to relax in my mermaid tub, which I FINALLY was able to put out because I wasn’t lagging like crazy!

Just as good as always

Yep! Even in SL, long baths are just as good as they always were. And as silly as it sounds, it really was relaxing for me.

I don’t know if you guys read New World Notes, but there was an article today about Cube Republic and he said that SL has really helped him manage his trigeminal neuralgia – which is a really nasty chronic pain condition. Read the article, it’s short but good. But what Cube said made a TON of sense to me.

As I’ve mentioned before, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder many years ago. I don’t respond well to most medications that I could take for it. One drug that I do take when it gets super bad, I have to take half of the pill, even though it’s a very low dose, because a full pill will leave me almost unable to function the next day. SL, especially in the past 3 years [although not as much in the past 6 months with my computer issues!], has been instrumental in allowing me the chance to manage my anxiety without medication. Or at least, with a lot less medication. 🙂

In the past couple of days, I’ve been reminded of the help that SL gives me. I can distract myself with pictures and exploring. I can laugh until I cry with my family instead of growing increasingly frustrated that I can’t run around with them. And I can set up an oasis in our home where for a few minutes, I can just soak in a tub that won’t leave my skin itchy afterwards. And when I get into bed tonight, I can think about all of this and feel less anxious. Even if I only get 5 minutes of relaxation, it’s so so so worth it to me.

Posted in computers, family, just talking, omg, RL stuff, yay

How Sweet It Is

So for the past couple of years, I’ve been working on a computer that is painfully outdated. The video card was decent enough and all but it was just too old and patched together with bits and pieces of extra parts. Heck, I was still working with Windows XP despite the fact that everyone was scaring me by saying I NEEDED to get at least Windows 7 immediately. But I made it run and I made it work for me because unfortunately, the budget just didn’t allow for a new computer. At least, not a new computer that would run Second Life any better.

The past few months have been rough. Any thing I’ve done with the family has been done with a lot of crashing, or I have to derender EVERYTHING around me to just stay with them. All the pictures I’ve shown that I didn’t take from someone else’s Flickr have been done with my computer grunting and wheezing next to me. But I kept going because I love SL, I love taking pictures, and what else could I do? SL helps me more than any drug when my anxiety gets really bad, especially since my anxiety attacks usually happen at night when I can’t go out for a walk or anything. I love it.

But even with my love for SL and my family, I’ve been getting more and more discouraged. All the decorating I did in our house was done slowly and with a LOT of freezing and crashing and I couldn’t really be in the house anyway. It was easier to be out on the beach, but not that much easier. I couldn’t visit my girls’ rooms or go see the Oleanders or go shopping at any events until almost the last day. Staying up on my platform was basically becoming my SLife. I started to just not want to log in at all.

I’ve been hoping for the past few months that maybe for my birthday this month, I could talk to my RL partner about a new computer. But a few weeks ago, we had to have work done to our house that put pretty much everything out of the budget for a while. The joys of home ownership, am I right? *laughs* So I put the thought of a new computer out of my head and tried to figure out how to make mine chug along a little longer.

However, I forget that my RL partner pays more attention to me than I realize sometimes.

This morning I was getting myself ready to head out to see my parents for the day when a very normal-for-us thing happened. I heard a THUMP! Then a DINGDONG as the doorbell rang. Then VROOM as a truck drove away. My RL guy is kind of an Amazon freak so we get packages delivered almost daily. [these packages almost never end up anywhere except in the living room, unopened. I dunno.] On my way out the door, I noticed the big box on the porch said DELL. It’s not too uncommon for computer equipment to end up on our doorstep due to his job. For the briefest moment I thought, “Wouldn’t that be nice if it was a new computer for me?” But I put it out of my mind because I knew it couldn’t be for me.

But guess what? IT WAS!!!!

When I got home this evening, he came out of his office and handed me a box. “This is a power supply. You need to open up this big box, then open up your computer and pull out your video card and hard drive. Then pull out the power supply in this computer and install the rest. Good luck.”

Well. *laughs* I’m not the most technical girl in the world, which he well knows, so he DID most of it because I was unscrewing things that didn’t need to be and obviously I don’t know where everything goes. But I did help!

After installing a few things and then going to get dinner, I was ready to get into Second Life.

Holy… I’d forgotten how FUN it can be! My sister pulled me over with them and for the first time, I didn’t have to immediately start derendering her landscaping. I could cam all over their land! I could run around with the kids! We went shopping and I was able to chase Riley all over the sim! We went to look at hair and I was able to do Gyazo gifs for the first time ever! We went to try out dances and I had no problems! After I said goodnight to them, I was able to go shopping, then do to a blog post with shadows! I could run around our house and then sit and enjoy it.

I’m so so happy right now. And so dang grateful that I’m as loved as I am – in both worlds.

How Sweet It Is