Day 219 – Introversion

A couple of things first…

If you were in the BBBC, or if you just followed along, head over to New World Notes and post any of your favorite blog posts from the challenge. πŸ™‚

Oh, and before I forget! Is there anyone out there that is good at reading blueprints and building? A friend of mine wants his RL house recreated in SL. He wants to be able to mod it and change paint colors and such so he gets an idea of how to redecorate his own home. IM me in world if you’re interested in this project.

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So can I talk for a bit? This is probably going to be rambly, but that’s my brain tonight.

Recently I’ve come across the word “ambivert,” meaning someone who enjoys being social but also loves time to themselves. I suppose I might fall closer to that category, but I lean towards the more introverted side. I’m an introvert by nature. It’s not something I really knew much about, or accepted about myself, until a couple of years ago. I’d been told my whole life that it wasn’t the right way to be. Like most Latinas, I come from a loud family. Family reunions always made me want earplugs because if you didn’t talk loud enough, you weren’t heard. There’s a part of the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding that always has me in stitches because if you change the “Greek” to “Mexican,” you have my family.

And my whole family is big and loud. And everybody is in each other’s lives and business. All the time! Like, you never just have a minute alone, just to think, ’cause we’re always together, just eating, eating, eating! The only other people we know are Greeks, ’cause Greeks marry Greeks to breed more Greeks, to be loud breeding Greek eaters!

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve recognized that my dad is an introvert. Daddy is perfectly content to sit by himself for hours, watching tv and drinking Cokes, and not saying a word. My Aunt Hope, the youngest of my mother’s sisters, is also an introvert – which has been the tragedy of the family for as long as I can remember. The other 5 sisters are loud, and bossy, and have to be talking all the time. They draw strength from being around each other, or at least talking on the phone several times a week. They do not understand introverts.

Introverts are not energized by other people. In fact, others usually drain us. Not that we hate people or are antisocial. Not at all. But we need time to ourselves to recharge. Lately, I can feel myself grasping for even just a few moments to myself. You know how sometimes your cell phone battery drains, but you’re busy and you still need it, so you just recharge it a little bit and head out the door? Then as the day or week goes on, you keep snatching bits of recharging time here and there, but as time goes on, the battery drains more and more quickly in between recharges? I feel like that battery right now.

I know when things are getting bad. I’m tired all of the time. I don’t want anyone to touch me. I’m shopping in the real world way, way too much. I spend most of my day asking people, “What do you need? What do you want? What can I do?”

So bringing this back to SL, it probably makes people wonder what introverts are doing in such a social platform. But that’s just it. I can be here, in SL, in my home, and be alone. I can deal with people in IM as they come, but I don’t have to really see anyone for days if I don’t feel like it. Do you guys have any idea how completely freeing that is for me? To know that it’s okay if I’m alone here. I can sit alone, thinking to myself, and it’s okay. Most of the time, because I know it’s okay, that makes me able to handle people better. It makes me like being around people more. And I am grateful that my close friends know that even if I am quiet, I am still there for them.

219-365

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Words & Thoughts

What’s on my mind today…

I’m really worn out today. Again. I suppose I’ll make a doctor’s appointment for next week because honestly? Two weeks of barely making it through the day is starting to get a little ridiculous. I’m moody and tired and I can’t sleep and I haven’t been to the gym in over a week because of all of this. Ree-dic-yoo-lous.

Ulaa and I were talking and she had the idea of a “dig it out” challenge, where we don’t shop for a week and just make outfits using what we can dig out of our inventories. I think it sounds like fun. Last night we were standing around inventory sorting [well, more like inventory deleting] and I was finding all these boxes that have never been opened. Of course, then I got the guilt, because a lot of these were review copies. Damn.

I hate to admit it, but I miss having someone to snuggle with in SL at night.

For some reason, I have the song “Karma Police” in my head at the moment. Gotta say, not a fan of the song. I’d almost rather have “Karma Chameleon” in my head.

I wonder if it’s okay if I go lay down in bed and play Angry Birds. But with my luck, I’d be almost done with a hard level and the phone would ring.

Sophia just text messaged me to see if I want to go with her to find a new house. Prefab shopping? And she has to ASK?

I need a shower.

I really need something to blog for the style blog. I wanted to do a style post a day for the challenge, but I didn’t realize the challenge would take up so much time this year since we have almost 100 bloggers. I can’t believe so many people wanted to do it this year. I’m so so happy about it. This challenge is my baby, and the fact that others want to participate makes me so happy.

Ooh, I wonder if Pretty Little Liars is on Hulu yet.

I wonder if the whole Lindex thingy is going to affect tier next month. I wonder if it does, if other land owners are going to up the rent. I’d hate to do that to my renters, but I could see other land owners doing it.

Hm, I should remember to tell the Bluebonnet residents that we’ll be switching over to a beach terrain in a couple of weeks. I guess if they read this, they now know.

I’m starving. I don’t want another bowl of boring like I had last night. I think I need to figure out something better to make tonight for dinner.

Shower…food…Oh snap, Pretty Little Liars IS on Hulu!

The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.

If you’re looking for the sign up post, it’s over here.

Don’t forget – Tonight is a big Hump Day/Blogger Challenge party!! 7pm SLT in my party ball! My parcel will be closed except for Bluebonnet residents and selected others while I make sure all the stuff is placed properly.

I kind of skipped over the whole relationship topic for myself. Like I’ve said before, you never need to use a topic for the challenge if you don’t want to. Those of us doing the 365 day project could just continue doing what we’ve been doing, you know? I have adored reading some of the posts on the topic, though. Everyone’s experiences have been so different for the most part.

But, the age topic is one that interests me, and I figured I’d go ahead and get my day 4 post out of the way while I have time to write.

A few months ago, I participated in a study about people and their relationships with their SL avatars. The professor conducting the study asked me once, “How old is Alicia?” My answer was, “She’s 32.” Because I’m 32, so it just stood to reason that my avatar was too, as she is me.

But since then, I’ve realized that while I don’t really set an age to my avatar, she is very much like I was in my late teens/early 20s. Quiet, but usually always up for a party. Scared, but never too scared to do something new. In love with life, and love, and fashion, and meeting new people.

So really, if I HAD to place an age on my avatar, I think she’d be around 19-21 most of the time.

Except for tier time. Then she’s all old and responsible. :-p

The funny thing is – I really enjoy being in my 30s. My best friend is about to turn 30 next month, and she was moaning to me on Monday that she can’t believe it’s happening to her. I told her that I felt the same way, right up until my 30th birthday. I was SO happy to reach 30! And even through all the mess and the daily stuff I have to deal with, I LOVE being in my 30s. It’s so much more fun. I don’t feel 32. I feel younger than I did back in my 20s when I was trying to be sooo adult. I hope that never changes, because I really like myself now, and I sure didn’t back then.

Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength.
-Betty Friedan

Keep it positive

If you’re looking for the challenge sign up post, it’s right here.

If you’re looking for the topic of the day, it’s over here.

Today’s topic came easily to me. It was one that was in my head long before the Linden layoffs, before 2.0, before I had the date set down for the challenge. It was one that I knew would be included because every night when I go to bed, it’s one that I attempt to answer in my head before I go to sleep. Three positive things. There has to be three positive things in my life. If there aren’t, then obviously I am doing something wrong. Yes, ME. In those moments, I do not put the blame on anyone else if I am unhappy. Oh, I could. Anyone could find something or someone to blame for all the mess in their life if they think about it. But in those moments before I fall asleep, and so often I do fall asleep thinking about it, it’s only about me.

I hear the grumblings all the time. Second Life sucks, Lindens are morons, people are stupid… But it makes no sense to me. Why stay? Second Life, unlike our physical world, is not something that anyone is forcing you to do. The last I heard, no one put a gun to anyone’s head and said, “Log in.”

[Although, that sounds like a great idea for a show. Being forced to be an avatar against your will. Shop and dance or you die!]

So obviously if you are still logging in, there is a reason. A GOOD reason. A POSITIVE reason.

Three positive things going on in my SL right now…

1. I feel really creative there lately. I go through phases, as I think we all do, of just not doing much of anything. I log in, stand around, flip through some clothes, IM once in a while, and go. But right now, I have ideas and thoughts and I’m decorating and re-texturing my house, and thinking about projects in the future, and coming up with photo ideas in my head that probably will never happen, but just the fact that I’m thinking about them makes me happy!

2. I haven’t had to worry about the island in a while. Not last summer, but the summer before, I was really really struggling at this time because I had a renter go MIA and still being new to the whole land thing, I let it lapse far longer than I should have. [Anything for a friend, right?] And then last year, I was having kind of a high turnover rate with a few smaller plots, and it was starting to get to me. But for months now, I haven’t had to really worry about empty plots or late tiers. I’m so so happy with the island and my friends who live there. They are the ones who make the island beautiful. If it were just me there, it would probably look like a hot mess.

3. And who can have a positive SL without friends? Sophia came back to SL, much to my joy. Even if we don’t get a chance to see each other, just knowing she’s around makes me feel a whole lot better. I’ve also gotten close to people that I never expected I would. I think we spend a lot of time looking at people on the outside, never really talking to them, and thinking “Oh, she’s a snob, he’s a jerk, she’s this and he’s that…” When you actually TALK to someone, you discover a lot more than you ever realized. You discover that they are just as silly as you are, that they have the same fears, the same thoughts. You kick away those false impressions and you actually make a friend. There’s really not a lot more positive than that.

Lazy on the water

I can’t wait to read about the positive things you guys come up with! πŸ™‚

The Written Word

If you’re looking for the sign up post for the challenge, it’s right here. That’s also where the first topic is as well, if you need that. πŸ™‚

It’s kind of humbling when people like an idea you’ve had. The first year that we did the challenge, I was almost positive that it was going to be me and Cen and that was about it. Last year, I knew I had a few others who wanted to do it again, but I wasn’t prepared for as many as we had do it. This year we’ve already got 50 blogs on the list. It makes me feel completely honored that people still WANT to do this. That they have ideas, that they’re dusting off blogs that have been silent for months, that they are excited about what started off as something that just sprung out of my head one day after being bored that no one was posting.

I have always been a writer. From the time I COULD write, I have written. Of course, as a child, I wasn’t particularly careful with my things [I was kind of clumsy] and I don’t have most of the notebooks and diaries anymore, which makes me sad. My mom and I actually used to get in fights because my nose was always stuck in a book or I was writing, and I’m fairly sure some of those papers and books ended up in the trash. I know, who gets mad at their kid for reading and writing? But, it was the way it was.

When I was 15, I got my first computer. Oh at last! I could keep a journal ON the computer! And it would be safe! Forever! Um, yeah, I didn’t know squat about computers. At some point it simply broke, and we threw it out – along with my journal of 3 years inside. The funny part is that I can still remember bits and pieces of almost every entry I wrote. The unfunny part is that someone may have ended up finding my hard drive and my journal and laughed themselves into a heart attack reading about how my first boyfriend French kissed me on the walk home from school and I didn’t swallow or open my mouth until I got home and spit and brushed my teeth 3 times. It was my first French kiss! I wasn’t prepared for his tongue in my mouth! Three days later, I was totally ready!

Anyway… I have always written, I have always documented my life. Not for anyone else. Even now in SL, I don’t really write for anyone else. [Except for the style blog, but even that, it’s really more for me.] I always write for me. If someone enjoys what I have to say, then that’s wonderful. If they don’t, then you know, you just can’t please everyone. Right now I also have two “real life” journals. One does not get much attention anymore, the other one is a little more personal and is just me talking about things I’m going through regarding weight loss. I have a paper journal as well, but it really does not receive much attention anymore.

Writing to me is like breathing. It’s never occurred to me to NOT write. Whether I’m writing a journal, a blog post, a poem, a short story, whatever it is…I write. It keeps me sane. It makes me happy. It is my therapy and my hobby and my love all at once. And when you find something that you love that much, you really should stick with it. At least, that’s what I think.

Man, can I go on forever about nothing.

I really should be in bed right now. Or working on a blogpost for an SL company & service. Or finishing up an interview notecard. Or I could be finishing up the haunted castle since Halloween is pretty soon. Or I could be blogging some items that I’m backed up on. But…mostly I’ve been admiring my pretty nail polish and reading up on magnesium deficiency. My RL bestie’s hubby was chatting with my RLBF about my health [God, don’t get me started.] and mentioned that I may be deficient in magnesium based on some of the things that are going on with me. To his credit, he knows a lot about these things, so even though I pretended like I wasn’t listening, I was. I’ve been taking a supplement the past few days and I gotta say…I’m feeling a little better. Who knew?

I’ve been thinking that I’m going to give myself my own blog challenge next month. It’s November, which for the past 10 years has been a pretty dreadful month for me. If I’ve never mentioned it before in here, and I probably haven’t, I lost my oldest sister in November 1999 very very unexpectedly. I went from this kind of confident, cool chick to this overly anxious, crazy thing. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago and picking myself up off the floor [both figuratively and literally] was pretty hard. In a way, being Alicia for the past couple of years helped me remember who the typist behind her really is. She has faults, same as her typist. She’s shy with most people, she almost never asks for help when she needs it, she takes on everyone’s problems as her own. Her typist is pretty much the same way. But the both of us work well together, and between the both of us, we’ve learned how to take happiness when it comes. And that’s why I think for the month of November, I’m going to blog at least once a day, and each post will say something that I’m thankful for, no matter how small. And no, it’s not just going to be 30 days of “OMG I love everything!” How boring would that be? :-p It’ll just be 30 days of blogging, with the extra bit of thankful. πŸ™‚

Ok, yes, I’m writing SO much tonight. LOL! So let’s break it up with some pictures! Woo! Pictures!

My friend Heidi gave me a dandelion. I loveeee dandelions!

Poof

Everyone was chattering about how fantastic the new Tres Blah skins are. I like the clothing from that store, and my beach cottages actually came from there [I bought them ages ago, I’m really not sure if they’re still for sale], so I was excited to go look at the skins.

Then I wasn’t so excited anymore.

Tres blech.

These skins are SO not good on me. Soooooo not good on me. I’ve seen a couple of people who wear them well, but I am not one of those people. LOL Yikes.

Sophia and I went out to a store to look at a hair called “Titty” earlier tonight, because sometimes we are 13 years old and going to look at “titty hair” made us laugh really hard. There were some crazy hairs in there, and then we found poses.

Fame!

This caused Sophia to sing “FAME!” And then we laughed like idiots until we cried.

After our hair outing, I was standing around in my house when she told me to tp her. Next time I need to ask her what she’s wearing before I do, because she was scary!

Meeps!

I think she told me that outfit was a freebie in the Boon group. It’s pretty much awesome for Halloween.

I really should get in bed now. Really.

Got my hands up, they’re playin’ my song!

So much going on lately. πŸ™‚ Good things, though. I am just so happy all the time recently! I have my moments of bitchy, but what female doesn’t? LOL But in general…I’m just really happy. It’s not uncommon for when people ask me how I’m doing for me to just reply “I’m awesome!” Because…I am. πŸ™‚ I just really hope it continues. As my close friends know, fall is a very hard time for me and I tend to be really really down and out of sorts in November especially. Maybe this year I can break the cycle. I’ll explain more when November comes along. πŸ™‚

Party news!! If you didn’t hear about the SL Blogger Meet-Up this Sunday – well, go to that link and find out about it! πŸ™‚ I’ll be DJing the party [I was SO excited to be asked again!] and it will take place at ArminasX Saiman‘s store, Electric Pixels, at the secretly located Particle Lounge. [Um, I guess it’s not a secret since we’re giving out SLurls…but pretend, ok?!] The theme is Outer Space, and I sooooo badly need a costume!! I’m demanding that Tyson and I have matching outfits, or at least ones that mesh well, so I think we’re going to have to have a shopping trip tonight or tomorrow. Tymmerie made some space helmets so if nothing else, we have that! πŸ™‚

He thinks I'm hot. No, REALLY!!

I asked him if I was hot. He said yes. That’s all I needed to know.

Oh, so, I didn’t end up going out of town like I’d planned this past week. With the rain and yucky weather that’s been going on, it was just in our best interest not to go until possibly next month. That gives me extra time to continue dieting & exercising so my well-meaning aunts don’t ask about my ankles again. My RL best friend of 14 years recently renewed her gym membership and as part of her package, she got guest privileges for 6 months. So until March [or until I decide I’m tired of waiting on her and get my own membership], I’m at the gym at least 3 times a week. It has been a struggle. Like many of you, my life is fairly sedentary. Walking leisurely around the grocery store or a little faster than a snail’s pace on our treadmill 1-2 times a week was not doing it for me. Getting on that elliptical machine for 30 minutes the first time was so hard. I couldn’t make it through the cool down!! Cool down, hell. I barely made it UP the steps to the machines at all. And it is SO embarrassing to say that because I used to be so active. I used to run, I used to dance, I did kickboxing and lifted weights. I’ve never been THIN, but I was FIT, and there is a difference. I wish I could blame SL for the lack of activity, but that’s not it at all. It’s me. I’ve been down, and I’ve been lazy. But just this past week. Just these 4 workouts at the gym and one at home that I’ve done [holy shit, since Saturday I’ve worked out 5 times!], it’s done an INCREDIBLE difference on me. With every extra step I take, with every extra minute I keep in motion, I feel much much more like myself and so much less like the depressed little fat girl that I’ve become over the past 5 years. And the best part is that I take that into my SLife and hopefully the joy I feel right now, I can rub off onto others, because I am so blessed to have the friends I have in Second Life, and I want them to be nothing but happy.

Ok, too much writing. LOL I’m sorry for the blurb there. πŸ™‚

It’s time for a shower and to settle in for the evening!