I Hope Your Soul Is Changing

I got to 1700 subscribers on my YouTube channel today.

This seems like a huge number to me, but then I realize there are people like Berry with almost 9000 subscribers and suddenly it’s a drop in the bucket. But for someone like me, 1700 is a number I never thought that I would get. I kind of thought I’d top out at about 500 and even that seemed like a ridiculous number.

Last month I did a short video [just over 2 minutes long] that I was pretty proud of. It was a silly video, just done because it made me laugh, but I am so happy that I was able to do it. It took me just over 3 weeks to complete, from conception of the idea to the final edit. People seemed to like it a lot because it wasn’t just me unboxing items or anything like that. It was shared all over Plurk. People who don’t particularly like me even had lovely things to say about it.

I’m going somewhere with this, I promise.

It made me wonder about the people who really want nothing to do with me. Did they just mute the plurks where the video was shared? Did they watch it? Were they the ones who disliked the video in the hopes that I would be discouraged by the little thumbs down?

There is this small part of me that hopes that’s the case.

It’s not that I’m “fueled by my haters” or anything like that. I’m almost 40 years old. I don’t talk about “haters” like some silly teen. There are simply people who dislike me and that is just life.

But it makes me want to keep going. It makes me want to produce more content. Not to rub it in their faces that I’m still here. More like to remind them that I’m not the terrible person that some of them think I am. People change. I’m not who I was 10 years ago. Or 5 years ago. I’m not even sure if I’m the same person I was a year ago. I’m always striving to be better, and never bitter. Do I have my bitter moments? Of course. But I’ve changed, and am changing all the time.

I hope you’re somewhere praying, praying
I hope your soul is changing, changing
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, praying

I’m proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come

These were just thoughts I needed to get out tonight. Everything is fine, really. I’m pretty happy, actually! I love what I’ve been doing on my blog and I love making videos so much. My only problem is that I don’t have the time to do even half of what I want to do. For example, it’s 4am and I’m writing because this is when I had some time, even though I have a video that I recorded almost a week ago to edit and more blog posts to do. But I’m learning balance. Well. Kind of. *laughs* I hope all of you are well, too!

Maypril Update?

Okay, okay, okay. I know. There wasn’t an April update. I actually DID start writing one! Really, I did! But I got distracted and wandered off and then tried to write more on it and got distracted and wandered off and… well, you see where this is going. 🙂

But, April was a decent month, and so far, May has been as well.

(And yes, I’m brunette now. I think that has been the biggest change of the past two months.)

YouTube has definitely been taking up a good portion of my SL time. I have fallen completely in love with livestreaming! I love doing my regular videos, too, but livestreaming is so much more fun because I get to chat with people at the same time. I also have done a couple of videos with people and that was super fun! I’ve always said that blogging is often a very solitary project, but YouTube can be as well. Being able to interact with people in different ways is REALLY awesome to me.

Oh! And earlier this month, I did a live presentation out at the Blogger & Vlogger Network. I just talked about my vlogging experience and took some questions. It was SUCH a good time! I’ll link the livestream to that at the end of this post, just in case you want to see it. It’s about an hour and a half long, but my real talk was just in the first 20 minutes.

Let’s see, what else… Well, I’m working on learning how to do my lighting better in SL for my photos. The picture I have above, that was just one of me trying to play around with windlight and projectors. I have a tendency to just coast along with my pics for a while when I’m doing other things, but you can’t coast forever. You need to always be improving how you do your hobby.

We’ve seen our whole family a little more this month than we have in a while, because birthdays and stuff. I’m happy about that because I love family time and it makes me feel better when people are online. The girls decorated the house and gave me gifts yesterday for Mother’s Day, which was incredibly sweet. And I did a video on landscaping with my sister! You should check that out if you haven’t.

I mean, really… Things are good. I’m super busy with SL and RL lately, but it’s not a super overwhelming busy, thankfully. I am still trying to figure out how to balance everything I want to do in the time that I have to do it, but I am horrible at time management in general, so that would be a struggle even if I wasn’t really doing anything!

I guess that’s it for the moment. Before I get distracted, I guess. *laughs* I will try to update again soon! ❤

(My livestream from the BVN talk, courtesy of Miss Strawberry.

Look in my house!

Hey everyone! So after my last blog post, I’ve been feeling a LOT better. I’ve been making more videos and after a ton of people requested it, I finally got our new house tour video finished!

 

 

It is 21 minutes of me talking and showing the house. I TRIED to get it as short as possible but well, there’s a lot of house. I actually recorded for 45 minutes! I edit for you! LOL!

But I do want to thank everyone who reached out to me after my last blog post. If there is one thing that many SLers know about, it’s the depression struggle. You all are much loved and much appreciated by me. ♥

An October Update, I guess?

Ayyyy, it would be great if I’d update more, wouldn’t it? But I guess you guys could just watch my YouTube videos. :-p

Anyway. 🙂 Happy Halloween, everyone! Things here are good. Saturday night, we took Abby, Birdy, and our friend Cindy out to some Halloween things!

They’re so adorable. ❤

It was all a good time! The RC Cluster trick or treat event was really awesome. We tried one event but it was RIDICULOUS and we couldn't even progress, so pfft to that. If you're going to sign up to be on a trick or treat tour, maybe a homestead where you have your roleplay school isn't the best idea? I'm just sayin'. So then we went somewhere else and that was much easier. Woo! But ugh, how much did we miss Havenhollow this year??? That is always the thing our whole family does together and I really hate that it wasn't being done this year.

I've been slowing down a bit on the videos this past week. It's not really intentional. I just haven't had much to say. I know, me, queen of the incessant rambling. I don't know. You longtime readers of this blog know that November isn't my best month, and as much as I try to push through, things like blogging and videos and SL in general sometimes don't always get my full attention. But I guess we'll see what happens. I think maybe I also got a little overwhelmed by the wonderful people who watch my videos. I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to watch my videos and reach out to me, but it did get slightly overwhelming for a little bit. I'm so incredibly shy and have such social anxiety, the fact that people wanted to talk to me was so weird in my brain. *laughs* But I have made new friends through my videos, and they have been nice enough to understand that I am just very slow to actually talk to people. Re-opening the Ch'Know group was a good move, I think. I love when I log in and people are actually talking in it.

So…I guess this is my post for October? LOL! I will try very hard to post more in November for those of you who don't really care to watch my videos to see what's going on in my SLife. But I make no promises. ❤

Ooh Lord, so much rambling.

Hey guys! So… I’ve been bad about updating over here. *laughs* I’m sorry!! Aldwyn says it’s like I took this blog and just moved it over to YouTube, which I guess is kind of true in a way. But I am going to get better about updating because let’s face it. I’m way better at writing than I am at just talking because at least here, I can backspace and edit things down and not sound like a dummy!

But, today is obviously not that day because I did another video! This one is just me talking about my first life and stuff. You guys who have been reading a while probably know all of this already, but if you’re interested in listening to me, here’s the video. Until next time! ♥

Diamonds On The Inside

Hey guys! I keep meaning to be better about updating this blog but… well. You know. *laughs*

I’ve had some changes in my SLife lately. It’s weird. Usually when something happens, I run here and spill my heart out. But I am not ready to do that yet. I’m still adjusting to things and just not ready to talk. Eventually. That’s what I keep telling myself.

But a change that I CAN talk about… I’ve started making YouTube videos! It’s so fun! I’m not very good at it really. I’m trying to learn how to edit better and how to talk a little more slowly! I don’t know why, but I talk SO fast if I’m not really thinking about it, especially if I am not actually talking to someone. So yeahhhhh…gotta work on that.

So far I’ve done one video on a house that I decorated a bit, and then 2 more on the AnyPose system. I think I’m most proud of this last one I did, even if it’s still painfully amateur!

It’s definitely outside my comfort zone doing these, which I really like. And I get sooooo stupidly excited every time I get a new subscriber! *laughs* It’s really pathetic. But whatever! I like it. :-p

Only now I want to make more videos and have noooo idea what to show! So if you have ideas of things you’d want to see or hear me talk about [because let’s face it. Rambling is what I do best.] then just let me know! I need all the ideas!

Anyway, I guess I should stop sitting on this bridge and go do something with my Saturday. 🙂

And yet another one.

So today was my birthday. I wasn’t really looking forward to it. I know. Me, the girl who loves birthdays to the point of needing to celebrate twice in a month. But when you lose someone close to you, you always think random, little thoughts. “She would have been this old this year. I just turned this age and when she was this age…” Etc, etc.

I turned older than my sister this year. I mean, technically, I reached that milestone last November. But our numbers were the same and I could just NOT think about it. Now I’m older than she ever will be. In some ways, it feels like I reached a goal. I don’t know why, but it does. In other ways, it just makes me sad. She’d probably laugh. Finally the baby sister is old. That gives me a minor amount of comfort. But the whole thing has felt very weird to me and I’ve been extremely off kilter the past week or so. Sad. Angry. I’ve cried a lot. I’ve snapped at people who have done nothing to me. In a big way, it’s a relief that the day is almost over because I can move on from it.

My online friends, though… God, what would I do without them? What would I do without these people that call me family? They have been amazing. I’ve been surprised with all kinds of things, AND they are throwing me a party on Saturday night!! I’m so lucky and blessed to have them.

So I was going to show you guys pictures of the decorations in my house that the family put up. And I was going to show you pictures of our Bumblebee meeting tonight. But I actually got inspired! This is a picture I’ve been wanting to do FOREVER. Almost 3 years, which is like forever in SL! *laughs* But I couldn’t find all the pieces and of course my skills aren’t awesome. But I’m really happy that I was able to finally do it because I love this song and I find myself humming it a lot when I’m in SL.

Smiling out loud
Sailing through clouds
Life is so new
And all I know is that I’m drifting towards you

So don’t get in the way
I want this feeling to stay
Just let me keep falling, falling

So don’t catch me now
I just wanna keep on falling somehow
So don’t stop me now
I just wanna keep this going somehow
Keep on falling

But It Was 99 Cents!

I was quite SL productive today, so I decided to dance on the beach for a bit while listening to a cover of Thrift Shop. I love when people on youtube pick rap songs or whatever and do acoustic covers!!

So I got my nails done today! I put together the little HUD and everything! They’re not the most perfect nails you’ll ever see, and they’re not really supposed to be, but I can’t help but be terribly proud.

If you like them, they’re on Marketplace now. I have the HUD for the toenails, too. I haven’t really been able to wear my SLink feet since the skin I wear most often doesn’t have an applier yet. Boooo.

Okay, I’m so so so sleepy right now. I think it’s time to pass out. 🙂

Day 204 – These Arms Of Mine

So after a couple of days away, Aldwyn returned to me tonight. Of course, I immediately bombarded him with crazy stories and then when I decided to take a breath, I asked, “DID YOU MISS ME?”

But who wouldn’t miss me, right? :-p

Now I’m watching Dirty Dancing, one of my favorite movies ever, and the song “These Arms of Mine” came on as I was snapping this quick picture. I think it’s fitting.

I’ll give you the red light special

Yesterday, Ulaa kept telling me “I look like a high priced whore!” I figured she was probably right, since she usually does. :-p But then she came over to drop off wedding benches and her boobs were HUGE! HUGE!!!! She tends to go for a much more voluptuous look than I do, but she was wearing a corset that made me not be able to stop looking at her boobs. I guess that’s the intention, huh?

Anyway, she told me she had bought a pose prop from oOo and I should take some pics in it. I like pose props a LOT and this one was pretty good. Al and I got the first pic on it.

I really like the way the lighting came out in it. And let me tell you – if you’re not in a good mesh compatible viewer yet, you are MISSING OUT. I’m wearing the mesh boots and shorts that I blogged in yesterday over in the style blog, and they just moved beautifully with most of the poses. I wish I could say all of the poses but even mesh has its limits.

Later, I got a picture of Ulaa and me. I’m the dark haired one. There seemed to be some confusion on that last night. LOL

And then while she was AFK, I caught one more of her. I like the way it came out, but pictures are really way easier if the person you’re taking a photo of is pretty.

Okay, breakfast time. I just thought you guys would like a post NOT about the wedding for once. 😉 Oh, and because it’s been in my head since last night…